alhamdulillah.

I shall be eternally grateful.

Now I really hope I meet the requirements for both the scholarship and university. 2 A’s 1B. Seems so hard to achieve based on the papers but at this point, I believe God works in the most mysterious but best ways. InsyaAllah, everything will turn out fine.

We shall know for sure in 52 days then.

On another note, I’ve been surprisingly productive, post-exams. Started working at ThatPlaceThatClaimsToHaveTheBestCoffee for the extra income, and been spending time with loved ones, who are now all back in the country. (PS: Kelly, WHERE ARE YOU?!?!).

It feels good to be productive oh yes it does. :D

cannonball.

excuse me, do you remember?
because i still do.
every, little, detail.

regrets.

quick one. just a little something to get off my chest.

you know sometimes, you do something out of impulse, and after doing it you go, OMG WHAT DID I JUST DOOO!?

and sometimes, you know you have the power to change something, but you don’t do anything until it’s too late already?

so you regret. you regret regret regret.

my mother says there is no point regretting. she says get over it. because there really is no point crying over spilt milk.

but just for today, and tomorrow, and maybe next week, let me regret this.  let me feel sorry for myself and let me whine and moan and grumble over it.

the thing is, after thinking about that one big mistake i start thinking about the other big mistakes i”ve made. and that, makes me emo.

ugh fucking hell.

i know it has been a while now, and everybody has moved on but you. are. my. greatest. regret.

PS: i miss ‘irfan. :( cepat la balik sayang, please?

i believe it is time.

and at the end of the day,

aren’t we all just a bunch of emo kids?

 

catch up.

Time for a little catch up session. So this has been happening for the past month or so.

• - Got in trouble with reference writer. Apparently teachers (okay one teacher) have been complaining about   my own little routine in college. Skipping class, not speaking up in class, not going for class tests, etc. And that got me into HUGE trouble. Who knew that after all these years of skipping class, it would come and bite me back in the ass, now. NOW OF ALL TIMES.
• - Reference writer very kind. Gave me second chance to prove myself to teachers (that one particular teacher), by attending lessons, by doing homework, by showing a remote interest in lessons.
• - Did exactly that and have not been skipping class for two weeks, and submitting overdue homework and essays to “prove myself”. Feel Unhappy. Very Unhappy.
• - Got into a very the big fight with that particular teacher because after being told to “prove myself” this particular teacher wouldn’t give me the chance. He then told me to give up hope on getting into university.
• - That teacher also told me to not apply to top rank universities because, i quote, “You’re not going to get in anyway, so there’s no point applying. And I’m not going to re-predict your grade because it’s not like you’re going to achieve it anyway”.
• - Fuck you. Fuck you for saying that. I never attended your lessons because FYI, you suck. You can’t teach balls. I go for tuition classes outside college because you suck balls. The only reason people are doing well is because jeez, it’s kyuem, people here are smart in general. But you have the cheek to say that when you can’t even pronounce MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE correctly. Balls. Go suck on donkey balls.
• - And that has resulted in me giving up hope on getting into my university of choice.

Okay now that I’ve gotten that off my chest. On a whole different note;

• - Finally done with Maths, boo P1 you whore and yay Stats I hope you save my ass.
• - Finally done with Computing. Oh god, no more Block 3. Joy Joy Joy.
• - My new lens; which my mother has taken the liberty to hide away till after exams; is here. I can’t wait to test it out.
• - I miss my friends from highschool real bad. Note, Alex, Su Ann, Shaz, Syahida, Nadiya, Izzati Rahmaniah izzat, Wan Xiong maurice. WEH. RINDU LAH.
• -  I’ve gone on a tv-show-download halt.
• - Abang Faiz is getting engaged to his highschool sweetheart. They’ve been dating since form 4. Oh, the sweetness. 
• - Done with my personal statement and have submitted my UCAS form. After revising, talking it through with certain people, and finally accepting reality, I’ve revised my choices for university. They seem somewhat shabby. Ha ha. Ha ha ha.
• - James Morrison’s new album is finally out, and I’m going to go buy it right after exams.
• - 20 days to go till the end of the semester.
• - 37 days to go till I see you again.

The End. Ok bye bye.

Oh wait since this post is already very long, I might as well post a picture as well.

Den Haag, Netherlands. Winter ’07.

detach.

After two weeks of doing nothing educationally productive at home, and going out for shisha almost everyfucking night. And watching 5 seasons of 5 different shows on my laptop. And playing stupid downloaded games like cake mania and diner dash. And after guilt tripping myself over and over again, I finally feel the panic sinking in, oh shit holes exams are in 10 days.

So I hereby detach myself from the real world, to become a social retard and a geek. I apologize in advanced if I don’t reply your messages or answer your calls. Haha. Serious shit man. I haven’t studied in a year! It’s buck up time fo sho yo.

See you all in 41 days! We shall rekindle our friendship then jaaaa. (:

Oh 65 days till I see youu-hoo again. Not that I’m counting or anything.

randomly random.

There are a lot of things I plan to blog about. Loads loads loads. But right now I have to get this off my chest. Bloody hell. I really really, really,

miss my sister.

She’s doing good for herself in Australia, I know. Working there is good, I know, anywhere is better than here. But that still doesn’t stop me from missing her and wishing she gets her ass back home soon. We don’t do so good in showing our emotions. But yes. I miss Kak Yaya.

Okay, next random thing to get off my chest. TWO WEEK BREAK TWO WEEK BREAK TWO WEEK BREAK TWO WEEK BREAK!! Ahhh it feels damn good to be back home and knowing I don’t have to go back to college soon. Even though it’s supposed to be buck up or fuck up study time, TWO WEEKS BABY. yay.

And finally, counting down to the final days, hours and minutes. Exactly six days and 7 hours to go before the lovelove leaves. Ahh crud. Downloading emo songs doesn’t exactly help either. Dum dee dum Mr. Time please slow down please please please.

Shit. This post is random.

nineteen.

An hour and twenty two minutes later and 32 birthday wishes in, mixed with a day spent with the family and the lovelove, and i’m feeling happy happy happy. Being 19 looks promising :)

Oh, proper post to follow. Definitely will elaborate. Right now I am knackered. Knackered but oh-so-happy.

there is space in my closet.

If you think this is about you, it most probably is.

Please know that I’m always here for you. No matter what the matter is about, no matter how serious or miniscule it is, that I always always am here for you. I don’t know if you have this misconception of me judging you or anything about you. But I promise I won’t. I won’t judge, I won’t tease, I won’t even talk to you about it if you don’t want me to anymore.

If there are things pent up in you and you need to talk to someone, again, keep in mind that I’m all ears. It really truly worries me when I know someone I care about is hurting or confused or feels all alone, because you don’t have to feel all alone, because I will always be here for you, I promise.

We used to tell each other everything, remember? We used to talk about everything there is to talk about. And bitch about anything that moves and breathes. Nothing has changed. I don’t know if you feel that you can’t trust me with your problems anymore, but yeah, I just want you to know you can.

I know. But what overpowers the feeling of surprise is feeling disappointed that you can’t trust me enough to tell me.

curly fries.

You don’t know how much you mean to me. So I’m publicly declaring it. You mean the world, planets, sun and stars to me. Thank you for making me happy. Thank you for caring so much. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for everything. I know I’ve said it to you before, but again, thank you.

I can’t imagine what it would be like if I never got to know you. I don’t even want to imagine what it would be like.

I’m counting days! 2 weeks and 5 days left. Oh how terribly I miss you so.