two weeks later.

It’s been exactly two weeks since I left home. Coming to England to study has been my dream since I could learn to talk. Now I’m here, actually doing it, and funny how it doesn’t feel real. It feels like a dream.

Nothing has really sunk in yet. I feel like I’m floating on air most of the time, and the days seem to drag on and on. Maybe I still need some time getting used to all this. Everything is still new to me, this washing my own clothes, making my own bed, cooking my own meals AND cleaning up after. I know I sound like such a brat, but I’ll get used to it.

However what I think needs more time to get used to is the noise, and the other peoples dirty dishes, and the beer cans and bottles everywhere, and the SMELL of beer and liquor everywhere, oh, and the flatmates who come in drunk really late at night. They’re all really nice, but I just need to get used to all of this first.

And it’s so, God damn cold here in York.

All the problems I’m going through now I think KNOW I can handle.. With the exception of one.

I miss my Mom, and my family so so much that I can’t even think about it. Because if I think about tears start welling up and I start breaking down like a little girl. I miss them so much it’s not even funny. Usually I’m away from home alone at most for two weeks, till my mom and everyone else joins me. But it’s been two weeks. And nobody’s coming anytime soon. And and and. :’( Yeah, I just miss them. And instead of feeling better after looking at picture and Skyping with them, it’s the other way around. I feel much worse.

I miss you the most mama. :( Can’t wait to see you in 8 weeks. Okay I can do this it’s only 8 weeks. But then what?

twenty.

i turned twenty with a bang. :)

made me realize how much i LOVE my mother, father, stepmother, stepfather, sister, half-brother(s), half-sister(s), step-brother(s), step-sister(s), grandmother(s), grandfather(s), to cut it short, my whole family.

and not to mention my lovely lovelies, the usual bunch :) who tried, but miserably failed to surprise me. :p i loved it anyway. oh my extended family, irshad and nurin, i love you both! and bomby too. :)

was dreading it, turning twenty. well now, i guess it’s not so bad. when you have family and friends behind you all the way, it really is, awesome.

thank you for all the wishes too. :)

ah, twenty, just like nineteen, looks promising.

purple popsicle.

Out of the 98439201857 million trillion things I’ll miss about Malaysia when I’m off to either UK/Australia later this year, I’ll miss this little munchkin the most.

My baby adik, Maryam.

She managed to bribe me with her big eyes and adorable laugh last weekend when she tugged my shirt and went, “Kak Syeeee-yaaaa, nak hash-himmm!” (Kak Syira nak ice-cream). Everytime we go buy ice-cream, she’d choose the same ice-cream, the purple popsicle. Ice-Cream makes Maryam very happy and hyper.

Funny how when both my mom and stepmom gave birth to my little brothers when I was 9, all I wanted and all I could think of was.. “send them back to the hospital please”. I hated the idea of being a big sister. But now, I can’t imagine life without all 4 of my baby siblings.  They are all very different from one another, one the genius computer geek, one the macho boy, one the wonderchild who can do everything and one the adorable munchkin. And as different as they are, all I love with all my heart. All I’ll miss when i’m abroad. Oh no! FedEX them over once a month please!

colour me happy.

maryam&marina.

randomly random.

There are a lot of things I plan to blog about. Loads loads loads. But right now I have to get this off my chest. Bloody hell. I really really, really,

miss my sister.

She’s doing good for herself in Australia, I know. Working there is good, I know, anywhere is better than here. But that still doesn’t stop me from missing her and wishing she gets her ass back home soon. We don’t do so good in showing our emotions. But yes. I miss Kak Yaya.

Okay, next random thing to get off my chest. TWO WEEK BREAK TWO WEEK BREAK TWO WEEK BREAK TWO WEEK BREAK!! Ahhh it feels damn good to be back home and knowing I don’t have to go back to college soon. Even though it’s supposed to be buck up or fuck up study time, TWO WEEKS BABY. yay.

And finally, counting down to the final days, hours and minutes. Exactly six days and 7 hours to go before the lovelove leaves. Ahh crud. Downloading emo songs doesn’t exactly help either. Dum dee dum Mr. Time please slow down please please please.

Shit. This post is random.

oh, adikku.

“… because he didn’t treat me right.”

“i’m going to falcon punch him in the nose!
i’m going to falcon punch anyone who breaks your heart”

Mija, my ten year old awkward computer geek social retard whiny brat of a little brother, who most of the time picks fights with me and tells on me, and annoys me, said that at dinner. Thank you. For making me realize that all you really need in life is your family. That when the whole world seems to be against you, they’ll be the ones by your side, willing to falcon punch anyone for your sake. (:

superhero.

My dad the superhero. No matter how old I am, you always will be that superhero figure in my life, Aboh. That’s all I want you to know. Because sometimes I feel like I don’t show it enough, or say it enough. But you are. My superhero.

Happy Father’s Day Aboh :)

a memory.

people screaming, people yelling at each other. sounds of doors slamming, sounds of glasses breaking.

my big sister holds my hand. she turns up the volume to the tv. turns it up high, till it can’t go any higher. but it still couldn’t drown it out.

people arguing, people fighting with each other.

we knock on the door. we are hungry. no reply. we knock somemore. and keep knocking. we slip a note under the door. we threaten to call the police, or worse, our grandmother.

we knock till the door opens. tear-streaked face. bloodshot eyes. she manages to work up a smile. he looks away. he looks angry. he avoids eye-contact. she tells us everything will be okay. she tells us she’ll be out soon to make us something to eat.

people yelling, people screaming.

we wait. and wait. my big sister tells me everything will be okay. she takes me to the kitchen. she tells me she’ll cook for us. and not to worry never worry.

we had burnt toast with peanut butter for dinner that night.

funny how the smallest of things could spark your memory and transport you back to 15 years ago.

yeah okay i’m babbling sorry.