catch up.

Time for a little catch up session. So this has been happening for the past month or so.

• - Got in trouble with reference writer. Apparently teachers (okay one teacher) have been complaining about   my own little routine in college. Skipping class, not speaking up in class, not going for class tests, etc. And that got me into HUGE trouble. Who knew that after all these years of skipping class, it would come and bite me back in the ass, now. NOW OF ALL TIMES.
• - Reference writer very kind. Gave me second chance to prove myself to teachers (that one particular teacher), by attending lessons, by doing homework, by showing a remote interest in lessons.
• - Did exactly that and have not been skipping class for two weeks, and submitting overdue homework and essays to “prove myself”. Feel Unhappy. Very Unhappy.
• - Got into a very the big fight with that particular teacher because after being told to “prove myself” this particular teacher wouldn’t give me the chance. He then told me to give up hope on getting into university.
• - That teacher also told me to not apply to top rank universities because, i quote, “You’re not going to get in anyway, so there’s no point applying. And I’m not going to re-predict your grade because it’s not like you’re going to achieve it anyway”.
• - Fuck you. Fuck you for saying that. I never attended your lessons because FYI, you suck. You can’t teach balls. I go for tuition classes outside college because you suck balls. The only reason people are doing well is because jeez, it’s kyuem, people here are smart in general. But you have the cheek to say that when you can’t even pronounce MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE correctly. Balls. Go suck on donkey balls.
• - And that has resulted in me giving up hope on getting into my university of choice.

Okay now that I’ve gotten that off my chest. On a whole different note;

• - Finally done with Maths, boo P1 you whore and yay Stats I hope you save my ass.
• - Finally done with Computing. Oh god, no more Block 3. Joy Joy Joy.
• - My new lens; which my mother has taken the liberty to hide away till after exams; is here. I can’t wait to test it out.
• - I miss my friends from highschool real bad. Note, Alex, Su Ann, Shaz, Syahida, Nadiya, Izzati Rahmaniah izzat, Wan Xiong maurice. WEH. RINDU LAH.
• -  I’ve gone on a tv-show-download halt.
• - Abang Faiz is getting engaged to his highschool sweetheart. They’ve been dating since form 4. Oh, the sweetness. 
• - Done with my personal statement and have submitted my UCAS form. After revising, talking it through with certain people, and finally accepting reality, I’ve revised my choices for university. They seem somewhat shabby. Ha ha. Ha ha ha.
• - James Morrison’s new album is finally out, and I’m going to go buy it right after exams.
• - 20 days to go till the end of the semester.
• - 37 days to go till I see you again.

The End. Ok bye bye.

Oh wait since this post is already very long, I might as well post a picture as well.

Den Haag, Netherlands. Winter ’07.

colour me happy.

maryam&marina.

superhero.

My dad the superhero. No matter how old I am, you always will be that superhero figure in my life, Aboh. That’s all I want you to know. Because sometimes I feel like I don’t show it enough, or say it enough. But you are. My superhero.

Happy Father’s Day Aboh :)

solitude.

 Terengganu, March 2008.

To sit in solitude. To reflect. To breathe. To think. To feel. To get inspired. To appreciate God’s given virtue. To confide in ones self. To breathe and breathe and keep breathing. Sometimes that’s all we need to carry on. To sit in solitude.

anxiety.

The Literature Paper was horrible. I can blame nobody but myself for the last minute preparation. Damnit I’m pissed at myself for not taking it seriously. Like, this is it. And I know there’s always that option of re-sitting in November but this is it.

Got a horrible anxiety attack before the paper. Oh and not to mention the feeling after. I felt my lungs close in, couldnt breathe, felt so drained and I then, threw up. I realize that lately I’ve been getting horrible panic attacks before and after my paper and it used to never be like that.

Back then I panicked, yeah, but not to the extent of throwing up. But I think I know why it’s happening now. During SPM year, I didn’t have any expectations. Whatever happens, happens. I was carefree. Kiasu, but still carefree. To me, I had nothing to lose because whatever grades I get, it’s straight to Taylor’s Business School and then off to Oztrayliah. That was my set path.

But now. Now my entire future is in my own hands. It’s in my control. Everything is up to me. Whatever results I get would determine where I go. And yeah like I said, it’s all up to me. Mama can’t do anything to help. It’s me chasing after my dreams and it’s not easy. I want to give up I want to let go, just for the sake of not getting disappointed. If only it were that simple.

So yeah, I know I’ve been saying this. But it’s full throttle from now on. No more procrastinating. COME ON BIYAAAAATCHHH I CAN DO THIS FOR MY OWN SAKE THINK OF LSE THINK OF WARWICK THINK OF EDINBURGH THINK OF THE FACES OF THE ONES YOU LOVE WHEN YOU GET A SCHOLARSHIP THINK OF THE JOY THE LOOK OF HOW PROUD YOUR PARENTS WILL BE WHEN YOU GET THAT OFFER LETTER ACCEPTING YOU INTO LSE OR WARWICK COME ON BIYAAAAAAAATCH LETS DO THIS.

Ok, my point. I really want to get into Warwick or LSE. I want to make my parents proud to have me as a daughter. I want my grandma to be able to brag to her friends that she’s flying to the UK to visit her cucu who’s studying there. I want to make my siblings happy and proud when i’m there (so they can have an excuse to fly to the UK). I want to be with my super genius friends whom I know will get in without even having to try. Pressure Pressure Pressure.

I know I sound like some major loser kiasu geek for getting worked up over bloody exams and university entries. Haha. So I shall stop. Don’t judge me. Ish.

On a somewhat happier note, the photography club had an annual competition and the results will be annouced this Tuesday! I’m quite excited. The categories were, Festival. Movement. Achitecture. Nature. Portrait. Black & White. Oh and the B&W photo had to be developed by ourselves in the darkroom. I find peace of mind when I’m there. I swear to god it’s so cool.

So I shall share my pho-to-tos. Maybe. I don’t know I’m still deciding. Ok maybe I will. One at a time though. Oh no but I’m scared to share. But ok yeah I’ll share anyways.

Submitted this for the nature category.

PS: I find the strangest form of comfort when I’m with you. Thank you for your help with the Literature Paper. And thank you. For helping me get through. And thank you. For your patience. And thank you. For just simply being there for me.

irshad.

This is Irshad. Without Irshad I would die. Roll on the side of the street and die. Irshad has helped me get through a lot, and I’d like to think I’ve helped him too. Irshad likes to eat. We eat together. Irshad likes to Shisha. We Shisha together. Irshad likes the Padini Concept Store. He missed the sale today. It’s okay Irshad, we’ll check it out the next time there’s a sale. Irshad also likes to look at himself in the mirror. Although I have to admit we don’t do this together, and sometimes it annoys and embarrasses me when he does it in public, it can be quite amusing. Irshad takes long showers and always smells good. Irshad likes kerepek pisang. Irshad listens to the cheesiest most corniest mainstream music around. Irshad is my Secret-Keeper. We have long talks till the sun rises when the need arises. Irshad likes perfumes. Irshad and I laugh about everything and anything there is to laugh about. Irshad does crazy things with me. Irshad tells me his deepest darkest secrets. I tell Irshad mine. And that is why, Irshad is Irshad.

Irshad is my Bestfriend.

rainbow.

terengganu, ‘07

Rainbow’s on my ceiling early in the morning.
Purple people too (:

do you remember.

monday blues.

Hello wordpress once again. I’m back in college after yet another short, rushed weekend. It was a productive one this time. Was barely at home. Shopping for baju Raya. Cut hair for Raya. And yeah the usual routines for Raya.

I just wanted to say I’m not going to stop blogging here. The previous entry was meh, unnecessary, rush of emotion kind of thing. Going to start blogging properly soon, college is taking over my life. With drama, photography, classes, tests, exams on the THIRD DAY OF RAYA, i don’t even have time to sit down and think properly.

Anyway, few weeks ago, the photography club had another competition and the theme was Gotcha! I went around with the camera to get inspiration and then I went to my dads house hoping to get a gotcha-ish picture of naughty baby Maryam. She was just moving around too much for me to get a proper picture of her, so I decided to use one of my old pictures of her. Urgh. It’s so un-gotcha but I had to submit a picture because yeah I didn’t really want to let Dr. Foord down. (i’m the one taking over for president next semester haha). And yeah because I won the last one too *blushes*.

So this is the picture I submitted for Gotcha! I’ve put it up on efx2 before, but just made it black and white and played around withe the contrast. Tomorrow the principal is judging so I’m kind of interested to see what he has to say.

Gotcha!

If I have time I’ll put up the one I submitted for the previous comepetition, the theme was In the Middle of Nowhere.