two weeks later.

It’s been exactly two weeks since I left home. Coming to England to study has been my dream since I could learn to talk. Now I’m here, actually doing it, and funny how it doesn’t feel real. It feels like a dream.

Nothing has really sunk in yet. I feel like I’m floating on air most of the time, and the days seem to drag on and on. Maybe I still need some time getting used to all this. Everything is still new to me, this washing my own clothes, making my own bed, cooking my own meals AND cleaning up after. I know I sound like such a brat, but I’ll get used to it.

However what I think needs more time to get used to is the noise, and the other peoples dirty dishes, and the beer cans and bottles everywhere, and the SMELL of beer and liquor everywhere, oh, and the flatmates who come in drunk really late at night. They’re all really nice, but I just need to get used to all of this first.

And it’s so, God damn cold here in York.

All the problems I’m going through now I think KNOW I can handle.. With the exception of one.

I miss my Mom, and my family so so much that I can’t even think about it. Because if I think about tears start welling up and I start breaking down like a little girl. I miss them so much it’s not even funny. Usually I’m away from home alone at most for two weeks, till my mom and everyone else joins me. But it’s been two weeks. And nobody’s coming anytime soon. And and and. :’( Yeah, I just miss them. And instead of feeling better after looking at picture and Skyping with them, it’s the other way around. I feel much worse.

I miss you the most mama. :( Can’t wait to see you in 8 weeks. Okay I can do this it’s only 8 weeks. But then what?

final week.

It’s always, “Hey yeah I’ll see you next week!” and “Definitely I’ll see you before you fly off!”. The Goodbyes are never really Goodbyes, yet. It struck me today how the SeeYouBeforeYouLeave and the ThisIsNotTheLastWe’llSeeEachOther will stop this week. I have exactly 6 days left to spend as much time as I can with the family, extended family and friends. And not forgetting stuff myself with Malaysian Food. I still do not know how to cook, ANYTHING.

So my plan for this week is to not watch any tv shows at all, and to wake up LATEST by 10 AM every morning. I want to soak in and enjoy everything about my last week left in town. I’m also going to sleep in my momma’s room :p because i’m going to miss her the most when I’m gone. :(

dwight schrute.

Question : Who is the hottest person on earth?
Answer : Dwight Schrute.
Fact : Dwight K. Schrute.

a different plan.

I’ve heard it a million times before, but have never been able to actually believe it see it experience it. I guess losing something I really really REALLY want could mean that God just has different plans, and that it is just a test. I mean, what are the odds that one day before results were released I got the phone call? It’s fate.

Rejection just makes you stronger!

Whatever it is, I’m just extra super UNBELIEVABLY thankful that I could go to the UK. Whee! Kelly! We shall be tempat kerja buddies YAY! hahaha.

Anyway, I’m settling everything now. Accommodation done, flight ticket done, all that’s left is Visa, and the dreaded faretheewells.

Other than that, I’ve been watching The Office a lot. Like, A LOT A LOT. And can’t help but think that Dwight is sssssmoking! Haha!

Days left in Tanah Airku Tercinta : 30.

twenty.

i turned twenty with a bang. :)

made me realize how much i LOVE my mother, father, stepmother, stepfather, sister, half-brother(s), half-sister(s), step-brother(s), step-sister(s), grandmother(s), grandfather(s), to cut it short, my whole family.

and not to mention my lovely lovelies, the usual bunch :) who tried, but miserably failed to surprise me. :p i loved it anyway. oh my extended family, irshad and nurin, i love you both! and bomby too. :)

was dreading it, turning twenty. well now, i guess it’s not so bad. when you have family and friends behind you all the way, it really is, awesome.

thank you for all the wishes too. :)

ah, twenty, just like nineteen, looks promising.

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alhamdulillah.

I shall be eternally grateful.

Now I really hope I meet the requirements for both the scholarship and university. 2 A’s 1B. Seems so hard to achieve based on the papers but at this point, I believe God works in the most mysterious but best ways. InsyaAllah, everything will turn out fine.

We shall know for sure in 52 days then.

On another note, I’ve been surprisingly productive, post-exams. Started working at ThatPlaceThatClaimsToHaveTheBestCoffee for the extra income, and been spending time with loved ones, who are now all back in the country. (PS: Kelly, WHERE ARE YOU?!?!).

It feels good to be productive oh yes it does. :D

post exam.

After 50 million zits, a thousand and one litres of coffee, truckloads of cans of redbull, 2 new wrinkles (oh no!), a lot of whining, moaning, bitching and complaining, I am officially, FREE!!!!

No more trigonometry or stupid vectors or complex numbers EVER. and no more Shakespeare and Atwood and Churchill and Jane Austen EVER EVER EVER AGAIN. :D And Econs, meh unfortunately Econs shall always be in my life.

Still deciding whether or not I’ll miss college. Right now, all I can think of is, i’mfreei’mfreei’mfreei’mfree! Maybe I will. Hmm, we’ll see.

Things to look forward to now :-

1) External Dinner. I refuse to call it frigging PROM. It’s not frigging PROM it’s frigging EXTERNAL DINNER. And jeez, just because it’s called PROM now, doesn’t mean you NEED to GO with SOMEONE. *roll eyes*

2) KYUEM graduation and awards day. :D

3) Last night in college — climb up water tower.

4) Irfan coming back!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay i’m babbling I should sleep.

things to do. [edited]

Now.

1) Study Math
2) Study Lit
3) Study Econs

4 papers to gooo!! :D

I’M FREEEHEEHEEHEEE BITCHES!!!!!!!! :)))))))

After A-Levels (IN EXACTLY 44 DAYS PEOPLE!!)

• – Catch up on lost forgotten episodes of Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, Desperate Housewives, Prison Break, Ugly Betty, 90210, Grey’s Anatomy, Pushing Daisies, Windfall, United States of Tara, Lost and all other TV Shows. If I were to list down all, it would take me all day, seriously.
• - Watch all the movies I have missed out on.
• - Movie and Box Sets marathons baby!
• - Lie in bed all day long in front of my laptop surfing the net.
• - Fix my ex-husband the XBOX360 and play games till my eyes bleed.
• – Start playing World of Warcraft (maybe, still in consideration).
• - Spend a whole week at Aboh’s place and layan father and adik-adik kecik and stepmother without guilt.
• - Lepak at coffee hut and SHISHA SHISHA SHISHA with Irshad and Nurin and EVERYBODY ELSE.
• - Work at Starbucks again / Intern with whichever company that’s kind enough to sponsor me.
• - Speaking of sponsors, if still unsuccessful, look for people who are kind enough to pay for my education overseas.
• - Chill with Nenek and Atok at Kampung Batu 30 and learn to cook from Nenek.
• - Bring Tok Mi out, and teman her shopping till we dropping.
• - Go out with Mama and Papa and Kak Yaya And Mija as frequently as possible because lordy dordy will I miss them much.
• - Khatam the Al-Qur’an.
• - Shisha, Shisha, Shisha shisha shisha shisha.
• - Hang-out with Alexander Tan Jin Hao and make sure he doesn’t do stupid things.
• - Hang-out with other FOFs because EVERYBODY WILL BE BACK BY THEN YO. (except su ann.) :(
• - Trip to Jakarta and Bandung.
• - Karaoke with Irshad and Bomby yo.
• - Play stupid games online till my eyes get watery and hands get numb.
• - Most importantly, jalan-jalan cari makan, lepak-lepak, play the ps3, and just chill with ‘Irfan.

Dude, I so can’t wait.

alex.

He sat next to me in form 5, and always supplied me with mentos and mints. His palms were always sweaty, and we would cheat on tests together. We would laugh about the stupidest, most randomest of things (“aww shit i don’t have glue, quick, pull down your pants and make me some!”), and he made school, bearable (although I wasn’t there half the time).

He was the only person who understood what I was going through. He would sit with me, in my room, and we, together with the others sometimes, would listen to emo songs and just talk about things. He was the one and only person I turned to at Alwi’s farewell party, the shoulder I cried on that night, the one who told me everything would be okay.

He would sit in the front seat of my puny black kancil, and would blast songs out of my ipod or his mp3 player, debating about whether or not Fall Out Boy is mainstream. He would drive around with me, and just keep me company when I needed him.

He wouldn’t eat anything that’s not on the roomservice menu, and camped out in my tv room after SPM, together with the rest.

He comes to my house, with no prior notice, and bangs on my door, and goes, “SURPRISE WE’RE GOING OUT FOR LUNCH!”. Although I act like I hate it because I would have just woken up, he doesn’t know how much I appreciate his company.

He would do the craziest things on impulse with me. Like he had his first ciggie, his first alchoholic drink and his first piercing, with yours truly ;)

He would drive all the way to Lembah Beringin, to visit me in college, to watch me make a fool of myself on stage.

He is someone I could go on and on about, but most importantly,

He is Alexander Tan Jin Hao. He is Alex to some, Tan to some. But to me, he is my Lover, my Lesbian Lover. We have a 68% compatibility rate. Those tests do not lie.

Alex, don’t you see that you mean a lot to me? Not just to me but to everyone in the Family (of Friends)? How could I not be angry, how could I not be upset if you’re doing this to yourself. Hang on, hold on, please. After my exams are over I swear I will spend every second I can with you. We will get you better, we will eat, if you need to I will hold your hair back while you puke. I will stand by yourside, I will follow you to every hospital check up, I will follow you to every appointment, and I will spend the night if you are admitted. We will go and buy RockBand and be rawkstars and we will get your mind of things. I want you to get better, I need you to get better.

Don’t say I’ve given up hope on you. I never will. How can I do that to you? I won’t give up. Please know that I care Alex, We all DO. I love you, We ALL DO.

“Goddamn right, it SHALL be beautiful days, okay?”

PS: SuAnnShazSyahidaAlexAlwiIzzatWanXiongNadiya. I miss, I care, I love. I need you guys to stay safe, and be happy okay. Despite whatever, the time that goes by, the distance and the space, this one little thing has made me realize how much all of you mean to me, and how I do not want anything nasty to happen to anyone. Because hey, we still need to have that reunion in the future with EVERYONE present, and we can finally get a group photo together, ok?